Selfishness and Burnout (or “I always take the biggest brownie”)

When looking through the linen closet, I always take the biggest, fluffiest towel. When taking a brownie, I always go for the coveted biggest middle one. When parking my car I always go for the best spot in the lot, sometimes strategically racing other vehicles to get there.

Selfishness is as much a human instinct as breathing, dreaming, or popping bubble wrap; to battle this default position is to declare war on our very nature. Still, Christ calls us to wage that war, even though He’s already achieved the victory.

Burnout is often blamed on the demands of the ministry world, but we would be foolish to discount our role in this malady, our selfishness is a major contributing factor. Scripture cautions us about thinking too highly of ourselves (Romans 12), yet we pastors are frequently consumed with perceived slights, recognition, people-pleasing, and getting what we believe we deserve. Certainly such sin propels us deeper into burnout.

If we want to escape or avoid burnout, we should take a good look at our own hearts.  And maybe leave the biggest brownie for someone else to enjoy.

Unspoken Expectations (or “when the should hits the fan”)

There are a number of unspoken expectations on a pastor, and, like most unspoken expectations, they are not fair.

Think of all the things many people believe their pastor should do:

• Preach every Sunday unless he is gone
• Visit the hospital for every person in the congregation, and their siblings, and their friends, and their sibling’s friend’s dog’s niece.
• Be available 24/7
• Live in a constant state of grace, understanding, patience, acceptance
• Not live in a state of grace, understanding, patience, and acceptance when it comes to certain sins
• Have a perfect family consisting of three well-adjusted children who have memorized the Psalms and a wife who plays piano.
• Be content. At $30,000 a year and no retirement. With $120,000 in student loans.
• Know the name of every person who crosses the threshold of the church, their kids’ names, their occupations, and their pets’ names.
• Lead singing and play guitar.
• Be able to tell them where “that one verse that goes something like” is.
• Drywall.

These unspoken expectations are a big steaming pile of should, and I step in it frequently. Unfortunately pastors do not find out they stepped in the should pile until enough of it has built up that it hits the fan and some congregant or another calls a meeting. Then the should really flies as a person hits the pastor with a long, sometimes well-documented, list of shoulds that the pastor failed to perform, none of which were in his job description.

Unspoken expectations ruin relationships and battle against authenticity as pastors are made to tread cautiously, not wanting to inadvertently make a mess. Pastors should work against this by leading with boldness and not out of fear, but their congregation can help by clearly communicating what is expected and accepting some responsibility when a pastor steps in a pile of should.